The funny thing is that I love every moment..

Giving my all

I've realized that there are times when you need to pull back and guard your heart. Because it to has a limit.
I don't want to stretch the extra mile anymore. I don't want to lie to myself today to get to the next .
Love is real and we at times take it for granted.
So let's put this love on ice..
Thaw it out when things are right..
Let's let it marinate on times missed..
Moments shared.
Get back to it when others can't dictate our direction..
Love is there but it's not what it's suppose to be..

It ain't yours

If it's not yours then why sweat it..?
Only those things that belong to you, that have been made official and clear can you really make a big fuss about..
Point being : Don't sweat the small stuff..

ME

I am sharing some of me from yesterdays times..... Today... Enjoy

Wonder (8.18.08)

I watched as it walked by

Then that infamous knot swelled in my throat

Because I felt it leaving me

But once again I was watching,

Hating the moment, every moment that chose to leave,

Regretting my non-actions

Forgetting the oath I made to myself

Relentlessly trying to hold on

    And selfishly letting go, each and every time,

 That moment captured emotion

                All balled up

Trying to level out, but only sticking to

   One side or the other

But I’m still watching and speaking

   And enjoying the thought of actually

                                Doing

So others live, in my way

   Breath up my path

     And eat up my dream

    before I allow it to rot

         In the pits of nothing

   So I sit and watch

On a park bench, where wonder seems to be the

   Only occupant of my time………

He is.. (Written April 13, 2006)

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Clean Slate

If I quit today and gave it all up then what would I do?
That's exactly how I feel right now, like quitting. The easier way out always..
I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with a clean slate. Wake up with a plan in mind, a goal to reach. Know exactly what it is I want to do with my life. What is my purpose?
Is it to raise my child so that she can be a better me or even a more accomplished her? Was it to struggle and live pay check to pay check.. You know, continue on the good path handed down from generation to generation.
But there is a fire in me that frustrates me even more then what I'm going through right now. That fire that keeps me aware of the fact that I'm better then all of this. I'm so much smarter, yet I'm sitting here wasting away on a 9-5 paying less then I deserve.
So a clean slate sure would be good right now.
I'm not complaining just trying to find my purpose and head in that direction.

No joke

I'm up at 12 am because my mind is filled and my heart is pounding! Can't sleep at all. I'm frustrated .

I never..

"I've never felt this way before," is the classic line,
Till you've felt that feeling the first time then it makes it all fine,
You know that chest so tight I can hardly breath feeling
The I don't want you to ever leave, let's just lay here stare at the ceiling feeling,
Oh no I've never felt this way before until I met you feeling,
Now I can't let you go because my heart aches for you feeling,

So is this love suppose to hurt and give that hint of confusion with a touch of familiarity,
Left yearning as my heart moves to my throat,The remedy a dose of clarity.
Sprung into action,
Feeding attraction,
To love you, my heart is placed on a battle field stuck between utter chaos,
Caught in the cross fire
So that hand book on love didn't tell me about this shit,
Yep I got back up then took another hit,

How does it go what didn't kill me only strengthened me,
And my love for you only lengthened you see,
Because I never felt this way before,
And now that I have... I want more!

I love..

I love..
No more words Just,
I Love..
But there's more,
I love..
I'm breathing , yet choking on air
I Love..
Your hand is holding my heart
I love..
It's growing,
I Love..
I just need to get through this,
I Love..
Something is holding me back,
I love..
That's just purely what I do...
I Love..