Where do I go from here? I'm constantly moving because I refuse to be still. But I always have that worry that this is where my life could end. That fear of becoming complacent and never reaching another level life. The fear of being stuck! Which in an odd way keeps me moving. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life and am truly paying now but what I can be thankful for are the lessons learned through them. The clean up is never easy and allot to carry but I know somewhere down the road there is an exit that is meant for me. That dream that I've been dreaming , that future I've been seeing..
So I know that the tears that hide behind these eyes that are constantly on the verge of breaking through are worth every drop. The stress , it's molding me into a better person. The headaches and sleepy days will have a true reason in the end.
There's no time for pity but plenty for a solution.
No time for quitting but plenty for a determined mind.
Once again tonight I'll push and keep pushing because really other then giving up that's all I really have!

%100

Up at 12 thinking about what should be,
What could be,
My hearts reaching for what's not there,
Straining to remain laying it all out bare,
Up at 12 thinking about what should be,
What could be,
The possibilities of entertaining this unknown feeling,
Gambling , wishing taking risk so appealing,
Up at 12 past knowing this could be my last,
Last love song broken down to a poem of wants wishes and could haves,
I'm pushing for more I'm not capable of giving half of me,
I'm pouring myself out because this will be my last word spoken. Heart unbroken.
Up at 12 and sure of what is.

Wow.. I don't know what to call it.
I really don't like emotions. Time to put it all back on ice and get back in my comfort zone. Where nothing bothers me where nothing matters!
Me and emotion don't mix so well. so...
It's time to end it all..
So much easier said then done!

I want to show you to the world like a shiny new toy.
Step into the sun that outshines the shadow.
.....But not until you can do the same.
And time will either draw us closer or apart.. & that timing is up to you..

Today

Stress consumed me today. It  seemed like everything and everyone some how worked their way onto my nerves. 

I wish at times to get away from it all. If I have to fix my car one last time I swear its going off of a cliff! My car has slowly drained my bank account! 

I don't know what's going on in this head of mine but I'm looking for an escape. I honestly feel like a ball of tears waiting to pour out one drop at a time. But I have to hold it together, because it's just me. No one to pick up the pieces that may crumble to the floor at any second. 

Suck it up , Cry it out and Go! 

Just wish I had more help at times. Genuine help. Help with out stipulations. 

So now I'll go to sleep and wake up to a new day... 

A mothers work

A mothers work is never done. And the second she comes up for air it starts all over again!
My body and brain needs a rest tonight. I've got worry , anxiety plus an ounce of stress.
Wishing I could click my heels three times and make things perfect!
I'm pushing through tonight, but I'll be ok . But that's what I always say...

Hold my hand

Lets hold hands and never let go
Lets love every second of every moment and never let go
Hold my hand
Let's day dream together and realize it's our reality
Two kids in the park with no worries
Escaping ...
Let's play house I'll set up the kitchen
You hang the pots
Hold my hand
And when it gets too hard
Hold my hand
Let's love each other more then our hearts can bare
And give beyond what our souls can share
Hold my hand boy
And bring me back
Tell me you feel the same
And act
Act on that feeling
Let's be a love song
So appealing
Be my valentine sweet candy heart
Hold my hand
and Love me harder , stronger , deeper
Walk away .. Walk away boy
Thinkin Damn... She's a Keeper

My current read.. So far so good. Not an easy read because the boy does so much day dreaming which makes it difficult to differentiate between reality and dreams. It's also very graphic from the start as well as vulgar. Will update when finished.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

This was a book that I recently read and thoroughly enjoyed. Can't wait for the movie to come out in August! It tugged at my heart and at times was challenging due to the realness and rawness of the book but was very realistic and descriptive. I felt as if I could smell the old wood and feel what these maids felt. I would recommend this book to any and everyone. Great Summer read!

In the Deep

Start. Emotionless, senseless actions,
Thoughtless effortless . Fatal attraction
Blind to what the end would bring
But it was just the start
Twisted wound up
Coiling into a hollow abyss
Touching nocturnal authorities
As it poured and it poured
Bringing us to ... Reaching limitless heights
External quivers , eclectic shivers. Internal Fights
Battling phycological qualms
Sensing spastic calms
In the deep we are
Deeper ... never far