I'm not sure if I should be feelig this way. So far apart yet so close in so many ways.. When I think about him I get those damn butterflies! But my question is should I feel this way . I mean is it right. Been around all my life but.. We're now just really getting to know each other. And I'm liking everything I know and want to know more. It's going so fast but it doesn't feel like it. It's not an overwhelming fast it's a damn we're feeling this and just going with the flow fast. I promised to share myself my thoughts. I never do that.
I appreciate the conversation . We talk about just random things that don't even need to make sense but do. I dot feel like I need to force a topic it's natural. I'm loving it and to be honest if it was to happen that we'd meet i'm not sure if I'd let him go.. Now I'm filled with butterflies that have no way out!

I'm such a hopeless romantic...

I hope this "Thing" never goes away..
I still believe in the endless kisses and warming hugs,
I believe in the A.M never ending calls,
I still love the just because moments........
The nervous bellies and cuddles on the couch,
The not sure laughs and the distracting Day Dreams.....
I still believe in the teenage love Graduated...
I believe in the college love elevated....
I still believe in Love...
I want to be in love with my best friend a friendship to the end...
I want to love , Love itself...
Because love has no preference but a life long reference,
of....
Truth and understanding...
I still believe in fighting for Love and not throwing in the towel,
I still believe in finding a positive in faults,
The greatness in flaws,
I know Love is not sex..
But rather the connection beyond the erection..
A gentleness a care that causes both to submit to a reality beyond reality,
It's giving yourself unselfishly for the others satisfaction,

I still believe despite the hurt,
Despite knowing that every time I give my all it comes back to me void,
Despite being torn apart,
I still believe because I want too because I"M A HOPELESS ROMANTIC...

Self Reflection

I realized that there are moments in life and for some more often then others, but these moments are situations that we are involved in that cause us to STOP and Self reflect. I can only speak for self when I say I'm not perfect and yes my past has molded me into the person I am today. I recently had one of those moments and almost fell right into a trap that I couldn't get out of. I'm so happy that I've grown so much because the old me would've by default fallen because I didn't really know myself nor love myself.

Time for me to invest time in what I love. .. Because at the end of the day what I wanted was for less then what I love. One night doesn't mean anything to me. One night yea it's fun but really one night all I'm going to do is leavim . I don't want that . Really I need to take time to get over what I was in. I can't use people as a rebound which is unhealthy for me. So today Im letting them go. Them as in possibilities , them as in potentials . I'm letting them go. I know what I've got is great. What I've got to offer is way more then most can handle.. So in a good way I say forget'em all lol until next time. They'll be around..

Sleep is calling my name triple time..

You made me cry! I released how I felt and you made me cry. My eyes are swollen with rage and. My throat is shut tight . I can't breath until I hurt you! I can't breath until you feel what I felt laying on that table. My insides were being sucked out of me. All the tugging the tearing ! I can't breath till you know what it feels like to lose a part of you! I can't breath untill you know what it feels like to kill someone! I can't breath untill you know how much I hate you and how much you've hurt me. I'm suffocating on the hate in my heart..

I wish I never met you,
I gave you everything but it was never enough to open yah eyes and make you see everything I had to offer. But I guess it's my fault for being the dummy and never listening to my better half that kept telling me it was time to go. That the things I was doing for you was pointless. I loved you so much I gave you my heart and what did I get a ride and an aborted baby. I hate you so much and it pushes on my heart so bad because I loved you. One baby out and another in. You bastard if I didn't have good sense I'd let you scar me for the rest of my life. I'd let your bad taste linger. But I can't I can't be the weak chic that became bitter. I refuse to give up, because i know that there was a reason for this and though I may not understand right now one day I will. I still hurt when I see things that remind me of you. I think about the things we've gone through and now that love has turned to hate. So my final forget you and really I wish I never met you!

I think people would be better off if they stopped judging and shut their mouths... Simple :mind your damn business !

I realized how much I need to stop depending on man but God alone. I need to be more forgiving and work on myself rather then focus on the wrong others have done.
I keep focusing on sharing my story of my past but what's more important is the story of my present and how I overcame .

I'm honestly tiered of people saying they're changing for the new year. We have 365 days in a year and not one of those days brought about this kind of change; so I'm wondering how was this Thursday to Friday grounds for an extreme life change. It takes more then a day for change but rather a change of mind. It all starts with adjusting your thoughts , then our actions and the rest will follow. Let this new year be a reflection of 365 spaces for opportunity that have been filled and move foward. -Shirl

Woke up and realized that honesty took me last night. With all of this thinking came a pounding headache and a lost appetite. Gotta full day ahead! Let's go..!

He was in my dream last night and it was a good dream. He was in my fantasy last night and....

2010

Leaving "09"

and the bullshit behind,

compliments what I've accomplished,

No resolutions,

and unmarked solutions,

just variations of happiness,

and remnants of accomplishments,

moving forward ; moving forward,

what I look toward,

Lessons backward ; Lessons backward,

Are like dreams deferred,

Hear me now and neva lata ,

feel me here anotha year as I appear,

To be what was wanted,

Deep N' Darker but neva flaunted,

If you understand it now then read on...

If you come N' ask me how then move on...

Anotha day all in all anotha 365,

And by his hand I'm still alive...

So Here it is ME... Shirl Jan. 1 Twenty Ten...