It was business as usual nothing extra.

Date with poison

We sat we chat
I laughed you laughed
But it was a date with poison
I knew I could never be who I use to be
But I forced myself to try, to try so hard at it
Still yet it was toxic
I became woozy and out of my element
Then we parted our ways with a gentle touch
That meant nothing to me
I felt nothing!
But I became sick
Sick with thought
A nauseating impulse to reach out
Guards down , I reached back to the familiar
And like familiar you let me down.

Yep gotta do what you gotta do!

She's Never been loved

Seeing the world through dirty brown eyes,
Been told a shit load of lies,
She's never been loved,

Beauty resting upon her face,
The goal, the prize of the mens master race,
She's never been loved,

Her body, the silloette her image was pure,
Their lust, their want dripping from tongues was sure,
She's never been loved,

She opened up every single time thinking it was...
Thinking love lived beneath thick skins and and twisted minds,
She's never been loved,

They wouldn't let her go, she was hypnotic ,
With a pinch of psychotic,
She's never been loved,

Her lov'n, her sex,
Magic,
She's never been loved

But she loved,
She loved with all of her heart,
From every start,
The way she wanted to be loved,
The way her daddy should've loved,
The image always a reflection in her life,
Worn on her sleeve,
Because for her to believe,
That in the end happiness lied,
It truly lied,

Happiness needed to live within.. Her
It needed to seep through her own pores,
She needed to live breath and speak happiness,
That walk that swayed , should sway her true identity,
A wisp of sweet serenity ,

Love never loved her,
It picked a chose not to love her,
It skipped along the sidewalk of lust,
Internal trust,
And twirled her hair around it's fingers,
A honey dew smell that lingers,
Never staying,
Always praying of change,
Beyond the God given range,
Belonging and longing for,
More!

Never satisfied,
Empty,
Never complacent,
Moving,
Never Peace,
Chaotic,
Never Love,
Hate

Constantly proving myself to the people who are suppose to love me is nothing I'm interested in.

Fly

Love the me who is really me or....

I've never had the dependent personality. So when I have to depend on others for simple day to day task I'm appreciative of the the help but I'm left wide open and vulnerable. Which causes me to react to any tiny bit of anything. If it be the wrong words , attitude, etc.
I like to help others but receiving it is harder.
Once again I'm thankful for the help I am.'I'm thankful for my friends and family being there.
But I don't like for things to be done for me and then something is alway expected in return. As if I am now in debt to that person. Don't get me wrong I believe in thank yous and maybe even a gift. But the owe I'm talking about is the kind of cloud that floats over your head for life with a ton of strings attached.
Yes I have a problem with receiving and I also have a problem with being left wide open.
This person will see me at my low because I now "need" from someone else.' and Not many can be trusted with that much .