Numb

I lie to myself everyday to make it feel better,
A temporary numb,
Then it comes back,
so I swallow it thinking I will digest the moments,
then they sit in my stomach and rot,
creating a belly ache of lies and deception,
Then I cry it out so they can exit with my tears,
and erase the mere thought of everything good and bad,
I'd like to erase everything and everyone,
I'd like to start over and go back,
To my thoughts of happy and little girl fairytale dreams,
I want the chance to walk away before it happened,
before they happened,
I don't want the chance to relive hurt over and over again,
I am battling love and deceit,
Tugging and pulling me,
I feel like I am going to rip right down the middle,
I want to believe that the possibilities are not real,
I want to be respected and I want to heal,
I want finally a man in my life who is honest,
starting with my dad,
I want for you to not make me feel so sad,
I hear the stories over and over,
Women have dealt for years,
and we remain true,
So when does my honest reward me,
with someone who is true,
Must I go down in history as the rest?
HELL NO!
I will rewrite my path,
Karma is something else,
But there is no revenge in my heart,
I just want a fresh start,
Love conquers all,
does not mean the love from the one who hurt you in my world,
But the love from those who actually care for you and about you,
The ones who do not want to see you hurt,
or crumble inside,
Immaturity plays its part on every ones soul,
But like a child we all know better,
So God place me in a better place please,
Guide me to be closer to you,
and further from man,
who is capable of so much,
so much damaging pain,
My trust is not in man ever,
but it is in you,
These tears,
No man gets the satisfaction of indulging in such a delicate experience,
These tears are a cry for you,
My happiness is unheard of,
it goes missing at times,
So please bring me back to that place,
The place where you want me.