Will it Change

I've got to read this book again.
I want to see if the feeling and interpretation I had when I was 15 will be the same at 23 years old. I've got to get back into my books, they took me to a different world, a world away from my own. If it be living it through someone's eyes or through mine own. Point being. I was able to escape. I would stay up til 5 a.m not wanting to put down the book and face reality.
I think that was a common theme through out my earlier days. Escaping reality..
I was able to live Winters Life without the consequences. Which then turned into a handbook a guideline for my life. I wanted what she had. The beauty that attracted more then the regular , the money to do what I wanted , the clothes that set me apart, the dad who provided that sense of protection regardless of his moral judgments. I wanted that world minus the consequence.

Today I became irritated by the fact that I allowed someone to speak negative things about me but also speak those things into my life. I thought I was over it but the things they said were of a sensitive topic.
So my mission for today and tomorrow and so on.. Is to only allow positive people into my circle. People who know me and not think they know me. Not those who read my Facebook or Twitter then allow their minds to exaggerate the moment and build a judgmental opinion about me. Because for someone to know me , they will understand my words beyond the obvious. They already know the in betweens.
Today I got a letter of termination. A letter stating my child will lose her health insurance.
Today I cursed the negative words spoken into my spirit by someone who doesn't know me.
Today I sat in the ER this morning with my child instead of clocking into work. Then when it was all said and done I returned to work to make sure I'll have a job to come back to tomorrow.
Today that same child threw a fit after work. She threw a tantrum that made me think all kinds of thoughts. But instead of breaking down I drove to McDonalds , I propositioned her with a fry and got myself a small Carmel Frappe . Only to get to the window and find out They are on sale all month for $1. Now that made my day!

I'm going to laugh today,
I'm going smile at the possibilities,
Of potential sharing in the responsibilities,
That may fester up a chuckle,
And loosen up a buckle,
Or Two,
I'm going to laugh and say,
This is knotting up my stomach,
It is bringing out the best today,
My tears are rolling on their way,
To a tiny hidden hiccup,
I'm going to laugh today,
Meaning today is already yesterday,
Which means tomorrow I digested my sorrow,
And released a joyous headache,
Because I chose to laugh today,

And nothing else matters,
Funny took me over as the frown drowned ,
And the laughter splatters...

Because I was sure to laugh today!

-Loveshirl

Self Reflection

I realized that there are moments in life and for some more often then others, but these moments are situations that we are involved in that cause us to STOP and Self reflect. I can only speak for self when I say I'm not perfect and yes my past has molded me into the person I am today. I recently had one of those moments and almost fell right into a trap that I couldn't get out of. I'm so happy that I've grown so much because the old me would've by default fallen because I didn't really know myself nor love myself.

I wish I never met you,
I gave you everything but it was never enough to open yah eyes and make you see everything I had to offer. But I guess it's my fault for being the dummy and never listening to my better half that kept telling me it was time to go. That the things I was doing for you was pointless. I loved you so much I gave you my heart and what did I get a ride and an aborted baby. I hate you so much and it pushes on my heart so bad because I loved you. One baby out and another in. You bastard if I didn't have good sense I'd let you scar me for the rest of my life. I'd let your bad taste linger. But I can't I can't be the weak chic that became bitter. I refuse to give up, because i know that there was a reason for this and though I may not understand right now one day I will. I still hurt when I see things that remind me of you. I think about the things we've gone through and now that love has turned to hate. So my final forget you and really I wish I never met you!