She's Never been loved

Seeing the world through dirty brown eyes,
Been told a shit load of lies,
She's never been loved,

Beauty resting upon her face,
The goal, the prize of the mens master race,
She's never been loved,

Her body, the silloette her image was pure,
Their lust, their want dripping from tongues was sure,
She's never been loved,

She opened up every single time thinking it was...
Thinking love lived beneath thick skins and and twisted minds,
She's never been loved,

They wouldn't let her go, she was hypnotic ,
With a pinch of psychotic,
She's never been loved,

Her lov'n, her sex,
Magic,
She's never been loved

But she loved,
She loved with all of her heart,
From every start,
The way she wanted to be loved,
The way her daddy should've loved,
The image always a reflection in her life,
Worn on her sleeve,
Because for her to believe,
That in the end happiness lied,
It truly lied,

Happiness needed to live within.. Her
It needed to seep through her own pores,
She needed to live breath and speak happiness,
That walk that swayed , should sway her true identity,
A wisp of sweet serenity ,

Love never loved her,
It picked a chose not to love her,
It skipped along the sidewalk of lust,
Internal trust,
And twirled her hair around it's fingers,
A honey dew smell that lingers,
Never staying,
Always praying of change,
Beyond the God given range,
Belonging and longing for,
More!

Never satisfied,
Empty,
Never complacent,
Moving,
Never Peace,
Chaotic,
Never Love,
Hate

Constantly proving myself to the people who are suppose to love me is nothing I'm interested in.

Fly

Love the me who is really me or....

I've never had the dependent personality. So when I have to depend on others for simple day to day task I'm appreciative of the the help but I'm left wide open and vulnerable. Which causes me to react to any tiny bit of anything. If it be the wrong words , attitude, etc.
I like to help others but receiving it is harder.
Once again I'm thankful for the help I am.'I'm thankful for my friends and family being there.
But I don't like for things to be done for me and then something is alway expected in return. As if I am now in debt to that person. Don't get me wrong I believe in thank yous and maybe even a gift. But the owe I'm talking about is the kind of cloud that floats over your head for life with a ton of strings attached.
Yes I have a problem with receiving and I also have a problem with being left wide open.
This person will see me at my low because I now "need" from someone else.' and Not many can be trusted with that much .

Patience

I'm not upset I'm just digesting everything , then figuring out if this is right for me. Or do I need to figure everything out by myself with out the added pressure of making sure I'm figuring it out in such a way that makes everyone else comfortable.
So no I'm not upset , I'm just digesting and spitting out the added crap..

The rant... ( My words unorganized)

I want to do it right this time around.I'm still a hopeless romantic but now my eyes are open this time around.
I want the connection , I want the friendship.
I've learned that intimacy is way more then sex. Because when the sex fades , which it will, can we still maintain a friendship , a loving caring relationship with out being stressed or holding something against the other person?
I want to freely express myself with no worries.
When the lights dim curtains close , I want the audience to say she stayed true to self.
We are constantly finding ourselves no matter how old we get, it's even harder in a relationship.I want to freely do so and I want it to be excepted..
I will always be a free spirit, I can never be locked into a role or an expectation. Can you handle that?
My views on : Sex is always a privilege (not a necessity) in an unwed relationship, can "we" handle that? Can we maintain the "true"intimacy"?
You always wonder about the what if's in life but when do we let go of those and keep what we have?
My number one priority in life is to be a parent? All else and everyone else falls behind that.
Do you believe in me as much as I do, do you believe that this really could be?
WE all love and love to be loved but will our love last?

You scare me with that look , and it makes me wonder about our future. I'm not sure what power or senseless thoughts burrow behind that angry look. The look that makes me feel as if your reprimanding me, as if I were your child. And the words that flow from it don't help.. So Do we last?

I'm at a point where I don't know what I want anymore but I know what I have.
It's a good thing, it is...
So can we just flow?
I don't think time is ever wasted in any relationship, because you learn from those moments. You learn about yourself. Plenty about self.



Let the song play on...
It never ends...

My perfect God

I read a blog post that asked a question that captured my attention so here is my response...


If I could design my perfect God here's what my God would be...
My God would speak back to me in my own language in response to the prayers I send up every morning. Just a "Got it" would do,
and would be amongst the have's and the who's who,
My God would show face every so often , at those times I needed a smile back,
and would have a solid touch, with weight behind a comforting hug,
and when I'm just over the ledge Force behind that caring tug,
My God would sit with me and listen to my endless stories as if no one else is calling,
and illuminate my thoughts when I'm falling,
My God would guide my life in the direction best fit for me,
and wouldn't allow for so many options,
Because my God already knows I'm no good with more then one,
My God would trust me as much as he'd want me to trust him,
Leading by example,
My God would rule over all,
and be a fare and just God,
My God would be so many things,
My God would be my everything.....