Today

Stress consumed me today. It  seemed like everything and everyone some how worked their way onto my nerves. 

I wish at times to get away from it all. If I have to fix my car one last time I swear its going off of a cliff! My car has slowly drained my bank account! 

I don't know what's going on in this head of mine but I'm looking for an escape. I honestly feel like a ball of tears waiting to pour out one drop at a time. But I have to hold it together, because it's just me. No one to pick up the pieces that may crumble to the floor at any second. 

Suck it up , Cry it out and Go! 

Just wish I had more help at times. Genuine help. Help with out stipulations. 

So now I'll go to sleep and wake up to a new day... 

Hold my hand

Lets hold hands and never let go
Lets love every second of every moment and never let go
Hold my hand
Let's day dream together and realize it's our reality
Two kids in the park with no worries
Escaping ...
Let's play house I'll set up the kitchen
You hang the pots
Hold my hand
And when it gets too hard
Hold my hand
Let's love each other more then our hearts can bare
And give beyond what our souls can share
Hold my hand boy
And bring me back
Tell me you feel the same
And act
Act on that feeling
Let's be a love song
So appealing
Be my valentine sweet candy heart
Hold my hand
and Love me harder , stronger , deeper
Walk away .. Walk away boy
Thinkin Damn... She's a Keeper

The rant... ( My words unorganized)

I want to do it right this time around.I'm still a hopeless romantic but now my eyes are open this time around.
I want the connection , I want the friendship.
I've learned that intimacy is way more then sex. Because when the sex fades , which it will, can we still maintain a friendship , a loving caring relationship with out being stressed or holding something against the other person?
I want to freely express myself with no worries.
When the lights dim curtains close , I want the audience to say she stayed true to self.
We are constantly finding ourselves no matter how old we get, it's even harder in a relationship.I want to freely do so and I want it to be excepted..
I will always be a free spirit, I can never be locked into a role or an expectation. Can you handle that?
My views on : Sex is always a privilege (not a necessity) in an unwed relationship, can "we" handle that? Can we maintain the "true"intimacy"?
You always wonder about the what if's in life but when do we let go of those and keep what we have?
My number one priority in life is to be a parent? All else and everyone else falls behind that.
Do you believe in me as much as I do, do you believe that this really could be?
WE all love and love to be loved but will our love last?

You scare me with that look , and it makes me wonder about our future. I'm not sure what power or senseless thoughts burrow behind that angry look. The look that makes me feel as if your reprimanding me, as if I were your child. And the words that flow from it don't help.. So Do we last?

I'm at a point where I don't know what I want anymore but I know what I have.
It's a good thing, it is...
So can we just flow?
I don't think time is ever wasted in any relationship, because you learn from those moments. You learn about yourself. Plenty about self.



Let the song play on...
It never ends...

2 frappes

Good service is not allot to ask for especially when your paying your own money even if your not paying. And I don't apologize ever! For having standards. There has been a huge lesson in today's adventure. It started off good until I decided I wanted to get my nails done which should be a good feeling right? Yea I thought so to. So I tried a new place that looked like something special even the name sounded a lil extra. I went in and the first flag should've gone up when the nail tec told me to let my fingers soak while she goes to eat her lunch (my face scrunched up to) .. But I was cool with it the place was busy so I was like ok enjoy.. until my wrist started to hurt from hanging over the black ceramic kitchen bowl for longer then 10 minutes. Ok shes back. Mind you when I walked in I asked if they did Shellac nails?? It's a brand not a technique . They said "yeah yeah have a seat." after my first coat I've come to realize it wasn't Shellac it was "Gellish" what ever brand that is. Flag number two. When it was all said and done I was a bit disappointed with the results. So I talked it over with my cousin who had my back and was going to go back in the shop with me but after seeing my nails for the first time she made me realize they weren't so bad it's just a lesson learned. But the fact that she showed up and wasn't even there from the start meant allot.
Time goes by : curtains drop > I'm home and I'm hungry.
My boyfriends on his way over and I order a pizza. An "hour" later the pizza arrives I pay and then realize part of my crust was hanging out in someones car. GROSS. I told my boyfriend who still hadn't arrived yet and asked him if he could return it for me only because my child was still napping but... He wanted no part in it.. So flag number whatever .. I woke my child up threw her in the car and brought the pie back. The girl was nice and gave me my money back . We went to Wendy's instead and ordered a baked potato and 5 piece nugget. But the idiot in the car in front of me decided to ask for their nuggets FRESH in the drive through. So I'm waiting for ten minutes and decided to pull out of line after I already ordered and go to McDonalds. Got a 6 piece nugget and a small Carmel Frappe. All was well I even had enough patience at this point to go back and sit in the drive through down the road at Wendy's and wait for my money back because I clearly forgot I'd already paid for my food before I pulled off the first time... Lol
.....
So here I am parked in front of my home once again , my daughter is eating her nuggets and I'm drinking my second Frappe of the day! Home Sweet Home

Nothing Personal

Today I communicated me, purely me. I expressed myself beyond what was expected and I felt great. It was great.
Communication with no consequences for me can only happen when a person truly knows me. No judging , no questions , no nothing! Lets just talk, with you consciously making an effort to exit your realm and enter mine!
I don't apologize for my actions nor do I feel bad, because that would truly be me denying self..